Gender Guilt

Let’s Face it, Deep Down We All Have a Preference!

As if it was just yesterday, I remember walking into an elective ultrasound studio when I was 16 weeks pregnant with my second child. My husband and I already had a daughter and I so badly wanted a son; a “Mama’s Boy” who I could teach to shoot guns, catch bugs, play rough, and get dirty!

When I laid down on the table I held my breath, and quietly prayed it would be a boy. As soon as the ultrasound tech probed over my stomach, and before she even had a chance to speak, I saw it, and unintentionally shrieked with pure joy “That’s a penis!”

I’ll always remember the excitement I felt that day and the embarrassment on my husband’s face over my outburst, but I often wonder how I would have felt if I was told I was having another girl? How would I have reacted during the appointment? Would I have been disappointment? Would I have cried?

Now that I perform ultrasounds at my own elective facility, Mother Nurture Ultrasound, I witness a wide variety of reactions during gender reveal ultrasounds. These reactions, which I’ve seen from the mom, dad, and even siblings, vary tears of joy to tears of devastation. Whether it’s their first baby or fifth, it seems that almost every expecting family is both anxious and sometimes nervous to find out the sex of the baby.

But why are there such strong feelings about having either a boy or a girl? I mean shouldn’t everyone just be hopeful to have a healthy baby? Not necessarily, let’s be realistic almost all of us have fantasies about what kind of parents we are going to be and what kind of baby we are going to have, it’s just human nature.
Having a preference of the sex of the baby usually stems from preconceived notions about males and females that can come from a variety of sources, including one’s family, personal experience, and stereotypical depictions of men and women in the media.

So how do you handle your emotions when your dreams of buying frilly clothes, braiding hair, eventually helping her plan her wedding, and spending countless hours chatting over mimosas at fancy day spas all get crushed when the ultrasound tech tells you “it’s a boy!” (or vice versa).

  1. Understand that your feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad, they are just feelings, which you are entitled to have. It’s not the actual baby you are disappointment in, but rather the fantasies that you are forced to let go of. Therefore, don’t be ashamed of your feelings, it’s human nature.
  2. Don’t be afraid to talk openly about how you feel to friends and family or someone you trust. Most will understand, and most will sympathize and give words of encouragement.
  3. Don’t fall victim to believing that all those old gender stereotypes will come true, in today’s society it is perfectly acceptable for girls to be rough and tough and boys to be more in-touch with their feminine side.
  4. Spend time with friends or relatives who have children of the same sex so you can begin to explore the experience ahead of you.
  5. Finally, realize that any discontented, guilty feelings you have now won’t last forever. During pregnancy, all you know about your baby is his or her sex. Once your little bundle arrives, you’ll have the whole package — which includes a personality and quirky traits. Years down the road you will look back and laugh at yourself and never be able to imagine it any other way!

At Mother Nurture Ultrasound we provide gender determination ultrasounds at 16 weeks. We also offer 3D/4D and the newest HD technology.


Mother Nurture Ultrasound
803 39th Ave SW, Suite D
Puyallup, WA 98373

phone: 253-777-6263